I had forgotten about Hamlet and if my old English literature teacher Mrs. Martin knew that I had she would be mad…………….and when Mrs. Martin got mad her face would go red and the mole on one of her seven chins from which sprung 3 long hairs would grow before our eyes. Mrs...

Denmark is supposed to be a Scandinavian Country yet today I saw no Midnight Sun, no reindeer and nobody skiing…………..I saw lots of Toblerone and enough Herring to make you think that the North Sea is as devoid of Herring as Naomi Campbell is devoid of manners. Good evening everyone……………it’s...

Two important things returned to my life today and in order of importance, here they are. 1. My Underwear which was returned with my suitcase which decided to finish its vacation in Barbados. 2. Heidi. The two are as we speak bonding by the washing machine and after some harsh words in the beginning...

As you may remember from a previous blog, just before I joined the Carnival Freedom for the Bloggers cruise I had lost two mobile telephones in just a few weeks, the last one I am positive I left on the desk while checking into the hotel. I had never gotten around to replacing the phone [...]

I am one of those people who have no idea about electricity and how things work………..if you want a battle of wits on this subject you should note that I am unarmed. What I do know is that when you don’t have any it’s a real bugger. That’s what happened last night……...

Heidi woke yesterday with a huge smile on her face. I looked at her and thought to myself that the reason she looked so happy must be the nearness of me and the fact that she had realised that I was a stud……………………………….but my hopes...

The Exorcist is asleep. Her head has finally stopped spinning around and it’s safe to take of my cross and my necklace of garlic……………………the packing is done. I look at her now and she is all calmness and serenity and she has gone from a levitating...

Heidi is in a mood and right now I would rather wrestle a lion on prednisone who has just found out that I had an affair with his wife Louise and shoved a cactus up its bottom ………………then be anywhere near my wife. The reason…………packing…………..there is stuff everywhere and it’s all my fault. Well,...

It was 1992 and I was staying at the Marriott Hotel on Miami’s Biscayne Boulevard. I had just completed a 6-month contract on the Fantasy and was being transferred to the Ecstasy the following morning. I was in the middle of watching a movie when the phone rang and when I answered it was the unmistakable...

I was wrong. When I went to bed last night the sea was as angry as Heather Mills is at only getting $48 million in her divorce settlement but this morning when I woke up and looked out the window it was as calm as a Rastafarian on his second palm tree. So it was that [...]