Heidi woke yesterday with a huge smile on her face. I looked at her and thought to myself that the reason she looked so happy must be the nearness of me and the fact that she had realised that I was a stud……………………………….but my hopes...

The Exorcist is asleep. Her head has finally stopped spinning around and it’s safe to take of my cross and my necklace of garlic……………………the packing is done. I look at her now and she is all calmness and serenity and she has gone from a levitating...

Heidi is in a mood and right now I would rather wrestle a lion on prednisone who has just found out that I had an affair with his wife Louise and shoved a cactus up its bottom ………………then be anywhere near my wife. The reason…………packing…………..there is stuff everywhere and it’s all my fault. Well,...

It was 1992 and I was staying at the Marriott Hotel on Miami’s Biscayne Boulevard. I had just completed a 6-month contract on the Fantasy and was being transferred to the Ecstasy the following morning. I was in the middle of watching a movie when the phone rang and when I answered it was the unmistakable...

I was wrong. When I went to bed last night the sea was as angry as Heather Mills is at only getting $48 million in her divorce settlement but this morning when I woke up and looked out the window it was as calm as a Rastafarian on his second palm tree. So it was that [...]

Today, Tuesday March 18 I retired………………………………from being a pirate. I woke up this morning and found that I could now blink my left eye. Yes, it may take me three hours to do it but I can blink and fully close my eye. I ran …….. OK……….I took the elevator down to the Infirmary and [...]

I went to see the doctor this morning to see if Mr. Bell was any closer to packing his bag and returning to the land of garlic and that is when I met Peter Edwards from Des Moines, Iowa. Good morning everyone. It is now 7:30pm and the ship is docked in Cozumel. The weather (more [...]

Having finished the Welcome Aboard Show I returned to the cabin tired but content. The show had gone well and I actually felt that my voice was a little better and that Mr. Bell may not have had such an influence on the show as the last time………more about him later. So it was that I [...]

I am in the doghouse…………it’s Saturday and it’s only 6:35am and I am there with the door slammed shut behind me………..why………..because I dared to mention Heidi’s socks. Let’s back up a bit first shall well. The sound of the 5:45am alarm was as welcoming as a scorpion in your underpants...

When I was at college sports meant two things……….football (soccer), which was played in a park with two coats for goal posts. The second sport was to see how many girls Alan and I could get to ignore us or worse throw up on us………my mate Alan usually won this particular event…………..unfortunately, not by...