Vulga…………….no not me ……….the car. The Vulga is the famous car made in Russia and whenever you think of movies about Russia you see these big ugly black cars bumping past the Kremlin. However, having spent the last 9 hours I saw more BMW ’s and Mercedes...

I am one of those people who have no idea about electricity and how things work………..if you want a battle of wits on this subject you should note that I am unarmed. What I do know is that when you don’t have any it’s a real bugger. That’s what happened last night……...

Heidi woke yesterday with a huge smile on her face. I looked at her and thought to myself that the reason she looked so happy must be the nearness of me and the fact that she had realised that I was a stud……………………………….but my hopes...

The Exorcist is asleep. Her head has finally stopped spinning around and it’s safe to take of my cross and my necklace of garlic……………………the packing is done. I look at her now and she is all calmness and serenity and she has gone from a levitating...

Heidi is in a mood and right now I would rather wrestle a lion on prednisone who has just found out that I had an affair with his wife Louise and shoved a cactus up its bottom ………………then be anywhere near my wife. The reason…………packing…………..there is stuff everywhere and it’s all my fault. Well,...

It was 1992 and I was staying at the Marriott Hotel on Miami’s Biscayne Boulevard. I had just completed a 6-month contract on the Fantasy and was being transferred to the Ecstasy the following morning. I was in the middle of watching a movie when the phone rang and when I answered it was the unmistakable...

I was wrong. When I went to bed last night the sea was as angry as Heather Mills is at only getting $48 million in her divorce settlement but this morning when I woke up and looked out the window it was as calm as a Rastafarian on his second palm tree. So it was that [...]

Today, Tuesday March 18 I retired………………………………from being a pirate. I woke up this morning and found that I could now blink my left eye. Yes, it may take me three hours to do it but I can blink and fully close my eye. I ran …….. OK……….I took the elevator down to the Infirmary and [...]

I went to see the doctor this morning to see if Mr. Bell was any closer to packing his bag and returning to the land of garlic and that is when I met Peter Edwards from Des Moines, Iowa. Good morning everyone. It is now 7:30pm and the ship is docked in Cozumel. The weather (more [...]

Having finished the Welcome Aboard Show I returned to the cabin tired but content. The show had gone well and I actually felt that my voice was a little better and that Mr. Bell may not have had such an influence on the show as the last time………more about him later. So it was that I [...]