It’s a good job Heidi got pregnant. That’s because this morning I received a letter from the British Adoption service we had registered with a few months ago. Unfortunately, despite the fact that Heidi and I would have loved the child beyond measure and having big coal fires to keep everyone...

Life was much easier when man lived in caves. We spent the day pulling women around by the hair, hunting, drawing on the walls and crapping in the corner. There were no forced trips to IKEA, no bollockings for leaving underwear on the bathroom floor or being asked “Do you still love me?” every Wednesday...

It has you doing the strangest things at 4 am. I won’t go into detail, but in the wee small hours of this morning, me and the toilet were joined at the bottom. After making my deposit and knowing that sleep would avoid me, I ventured downstairs and turned on the TV. In the US [...]

Bugger… this Facespace thingy has gotten out of control. Stephanie called me yesterday and told me that I have 1,000 friends and hundreds of requests from people who wanted to be my friend and needed a hug. My friend list is increasingly weird – Julian Fennel, for instance. The last time I saw...

With everything that has been happening, I haven’t had time to tell you about the huge success of our “Fun Ship” Halloween parties. The guests took part with great vigor and reports are telling me that some of the costumes were outrageous ………………………...

Morning all…………….let’s start with religion and hats. From: SPLENDOR PURSERS Sent: Wednesday, October 08, 2008 10:57 PM To: SPLENDOR CRUISE DIRECTOR Cc: SPLENDOR GROUPS COORDINATOR; SPLENDOR PURSERS; SPLENDOR CHIEF PURSER; SPLENDOR HOTEL DIRECTOR Subject: Request for...

Good Morning from Livorno and, after an unexpected day at sea yesterday, the guests seemed very happy to touch land and off they went touring beautiful Tuscany, gorgeous Florence and historic Pisa and its tower. As I said yesterday, even though we missed a port most guests were understanding with the...

And so it begins. Guest: Mr. __________ Ref: 002804925A Cabin: _______ Booking#: ________ Added-Changed: 09/23/08 - 09/24/08 CLOSET TOO SMALL Mr. ________ was cutting the line and shouting in Russian. Purser asked guest to stop shouting and then went to the back office to ask Roxana to come and assist...

If I were to see someone indulging in antisocial behavior, such as talking loudly in a library or urinating in a someone’s front yard, I would roll my eyes and quietly sigh. If it were something more serious, such as putting super glue on cans of prunes in a supermarket or holding a baby over [...]