Good Morning everyone and just before I start, I refer you to yesterday’s blog where I tried a sublime joke which as Heidi said would happen……no bugger got it. I was referring to the time machine and stopping George going to the theater…………obviously I was referring...

So, it’s the last day of the cruise …..we are in Amsterdam ………….maybe I can relax a bit…………………or maybe not. From: SPLENDOR PURSERS Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2008 1:39 AM To: SPLENDOR PURSERS Cc: SPLENDOR CRUISE DIRECTOR;...

Here we go again. From: SPLENDOR PURSERS Sent: Sunday, August 31, 2008 12:35 AM To: SPLENDOR CRUISE DIRECTOR Cc: SPLENDOR PURSERS; SPLENDOR CHIEF PURSER Subject: 9272 - Meeting with John request Good morning, John. Please be aware that I had a gentlemen at the desk who was very upset that he could not...

I was born with a body that renders me quite incapable of doing anything very well. I’m rubbish at everything. Tennis? I’m so spectacularly bad, I can only just beat my nephew Luke and he’s 7. DIY and home improvement? For me this is simply impossible. Even if I attempt something simple, such as...

“Can you unzip me please?”……….These are words I never thought I would have to say to anyone…………but……….once every 12 days I have to ask one of the dancers to unzip my dress and do it slowly so they don’t take any of the hairs with...

A guest asked me last night how I manage to think of things to write each and every day………and after I analyzed that for a moment I realised it was because of school. At my school, punishment detention usually involved being asked to write a 1,000-word essay about a tree……...

All men are created equal …………….so said some wise man who probably had a beard, wore sandals and listened to Frank Zappa…………..unfortunately he was talking bollocks. You could give me the same ingredients that Gordon Ramsay uses and put me in the same...