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Looking Through the Porthole by John Heald's Blog

It’s a good job Heidi got pregnant. That’s because this morning I received a letter from the British Adoption service we had registered with a few months ago. Unfortunately, despite the fact that Heidi and I would have loved the child beyond...

A Winter’s Day by John Heald's Blog

So, I spoke to my mate Ken the maitre d yesterday……….well……………..when I say spoke we, of course, used the e mail thingy but we had a good conversation. We have been friends for many years and I like to think...

The Chair by John Heald's Blog

Life was much easier when man lived in caves. We spent the day pulling women around by the hair, hunting, drawing on the walls and crapping in the corner. There were no forced trips to IKEA, no bollockings for leaving underwear on the bathroom floor or...

24 hours of blog by John Heald's Blog

Last night I wanted to be back in the United States because you were all being treated to one of the most eagerly awaited television shows in modern history. I’m talking, of course, about 24 - Redemption, the further adventures of Jack Bauer, CTU’s (beep...

I hate jet lag by John Heald's Blog

It has you doing the strangest things at 4 am. I won’t go into detail, but in the wee small hours of this morning, me and the toilet were joined at the bottom. After making my deposit and knowing that sleep would avoid me, I ventured downstairs...

We Are Family by John Heald's Blog

Just once………………just one time………………I would like to be able to sit here and tell you that my flight went well……………that I sat next to a normal person……………...

Advantage Miss Navratilova by John Heald's Blog

If American Airlines was the snake in the garden of Eden, Eve would have paid for her own apple………………………..bloody hell……………$2 for a pair of headphones to watch a movie...

Back to the Future by John Heald's Blog

I have never been much of a fan of parties. Maybe this comes from the fact that I was hardly ever invited to one and when I was…………….no bugger spoke to me. I would arrive at the party with dreams of meeting a girl ……………any...

Do You Have a Reservation? by John Heald's Blog

I love food………………I really do. Last night I ate at what some would describe as a “fancy restaurant” and I will explain the point to all this in a moment…………………. But first let...

A Quick Birthday Blog by John Heald's Blog

Birthdays are crap. Mine no longer tend to herald exciting parties and the greedy shredding of wrapping paper. They are now just mileposts that point the way toward the inexorable arrival of old age and incontinence. Because I’m an increasingly...

The Games People Play by John Heald's Blog

Monopoly has no end. The rules explain how you can unmortgage a property and when you should build hotels on Madison Avenue but they don’t say, and they should, that the winner is the last player left alive. And what about Risk? You make a calculation...

The Basketball Diaries by John Heald's Blog

I remember the first time I went to see a basketball game. I was 25 years old and went with the cruise director of the Carnival Fantasy, Gary Hunter, and entertainer Tim Harkleroad. We drove from Miami where the ship was spending 10 days before her inaugural...

Helloween, Pinata’s and Captain America by John Heald's Blog

With everything that has been happening, I haven’t had time to tell you about the huge success of our “Fun Ship” Halloween parties. The guests took part with great vigor and reports are telling me that some of the costumes were outrageous ………………………...

Dancing and Pumping Gas by John Heald's Blog

It has been well documented in past blogs that I have a hatred of flying, climbing walls, the French and …………….dancing. And is the thought of the later that has finally made me decide not to attend my high school reunion...

School Daze and Jamie Part 2 by John Heald's Blog

It’s Saturday and I am enjoying a real weekend for the first time in 6 months. Heidi is pottering about and I am sitting here in the kitchen having just welcomed home my underwear which returned from a vacation in Rome…………...
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